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INT. TRACKING WHITE DOT OPENING
We open on some AWKWARD SCOTTISH GUY having a SILLY HAT walking using an INFINITE WHITE VOID and after that shooting the CAMERA for a lot of REASON. ThereР‘s no chance THIS will ever be POPULAR and ICONIC.
We then jump to COLORED DOTS and RAINBOW SILHOUETTES gyrating to JAMAICAN CALYPSO MUSIC plus some BLIND GUYS appear from the HAZE seriously WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE this is supposed to become a SPY MOVIE.
The three BLIND GUYS brush all of the TRIPPY LAVA LAMP COLORS off their jackets and enter our reality. They go and look for SECRET AGENT CHESTERFIELD TEA-CHUGGER the THIRD, who, like several GOVERNMENT EMPLOYEES, is becoming his DAY DRINK ON throughout a game of POKER.
Right-O, chaps. IР‘m to drive home.
CHESTERFIELD stumbles towards his CAR and gets SHOT a lot by the BLIND GUYS who either ARENР‘T BLIND normally got EXTREMELY LUCKY. They then head over to his HOUSE and kill his SECRETARY and take tons of STUFF.
Meanwhile, we cut with a LONDON GAMBLING HALL for that iconic guide to the LEGENDARY FILM HERO that will endure through TWENTY-FOUR MOVIES, about TEN which are PRETTY GOOD.
Goodness, who's this handsome stranger winning my kidР‘s college fund off me? I simply must vagina him.
The namesh Connery. Sean Connery.
Yesh, itsh me. The one who shtarted everthing. Unlesh you count that weird TV movie where Jamesh Bond ish called Jimmy for a few fucking reashon.
Well consider me seduced. Need a new caddy? Cuz IР‘m able to hold your balls.
Shadly, I musht be off. Shpy businesh. But IР‘ll gladly demonstrate my Shcottish countryshide another time.
SEAN goes toward MI6 headquarters to obtain his BRIEFING from BASIL EXPOSITION.
Bond, weР‘d adore it if you could remain sober for a specified duration to head over to Jamaica in order to find out why our agent there got got.
IР‘ll be wiped out in a moment. Jusht permit me to shexually ashault your shecretary firsht.
Alright, IР‘m off. Let me jusht grab my exploding watch and ejector sheat car and-
Oh no, Q doesnР‘t appear for two more movies. ThereР‘s no gadgets yet.
Ah, the firsht of countless exshotic locationsh for Jamesh Bond, poshitively loushy with fuckable as well as killable men. I wonder what my firsht challenge are going to be.
Hello, Mr. Bond. Care for the ride around my assassination-mobile?
And sho beginsh Jamesh BondР‘sh tradition of shtepping willingly into an obvioush trap.
The driver DRIVES SEAN around for just a bit before pulling onto DO SOME KILLING.
Not sho fasht, ashhole. Handsh up. Who shent you?
Goodness, IР‘ve been caught! Time for individuals to fight like extras on Star Trek!
The two FLAIL at each other for just a BIT.
Yesh, this wash back before movie shtarsh were required to go through nine monthsh of Shpec Opsh training before they are able to do an action film. Anyway, youР‘re defeated, ya brigand. Tell me. Who do you're employed for?
Can I please possess a cyanide first?
Cigarette! Sorry! IР‘m this sort of marble-mouth.
The driver eats a CYANIDE PILL hidden in their CIGARETTES and INSTANTLY DIES.
SEAN travels to talk towards the OLD BRITISH GUYS who last saw the AGENT alive.
Well, he was obviously a right-good card player and his awesome secretary a great ass. ThatР‘s about all could about the old boy.
Oh, anf the husband also fished with many random local yokel now after which.
Naturally this ish the clue I musht follow.
He walks out from the office to obtain the SECRETARY, ZENA MARSHALL, is listening in.
ThatР‘sh shushpishoush ash fuck. But furthermore, IР‘d prefer to make shex along with you.
Come to my place sometime. Please, donР‘t bring any weaponry or tell anyone youР‘re coming.
SEAN goes and finds charter fisherman JOHN KITSMILLER.
Greetingsh, friend. Care to figure out who killed that shecret agent you utilized to fish with?
I ainР‘t got no clue who you speaking about. Now if youР‘ll excuse me.
Alright, awkward fight scene it really is.
They play TWISTER for any bit until JACK LORD turns up.
Alright, an adequate amount of that now, youР‘re all embarrassing yourselves. IР‘m Felix Leiter, your CIA contact. JohnР‘s my bud. I probably should have mentioned this earlier prior to deciding to two attemptedto kill the other.
A telephone call might are already prudent, yesh. What ya got for me personally?
Well, me and John here are already investigating radio signals in your neighborhood. SomeoneР‘s been fucking with American rocket signals, weР‘ve got a chance to figure out why.
Hmm, where maybe you have inveshtigated?
Oh, everywhere you look. We went and checked Beauty Bay, Gorgeous Falls, the Straight of Blowjobs, Happytown. Just about everywhere, excluding Cape Murder that is certainly.
Wait a shecond. Cape Murder? What goesh on the website?
Oh, we donР‘t go nowhere near that place. ItР‘s cursed!
I shee. So you shtopped your inveshtigation inside the one place that really needed inveshtigating?
Pretty much, yeah. The CIA features a firm policy constantly in place: always respect local superstitions.
SEAN goes toward see ANOTHER in the DEAD AGENTР‘s contacts, ANTHONY DAWSON.
Sho, might you pleashe identify what that you were doing with my deceased companion?
Anything intereshting about those rocksh?
No intereshting rocksh you checked?
As soon as SEAN leaves, ANTHONY immediately boats onto CAPE MURDER to use a meeting with his EVIL BOSSР‘S DISEMBODIED VOICE.
You have displeased me. I asked someone to kill Sean when he got away from the plane, instead you told him about rock checking.
My deepest apologies, oh master.
Yes, master. Killing a British federal agent canno doubt alleviate any suspicions about our activities here. IР‘ll just go receive a sniper rifle and-
Uh, to never question your wisdom, oh master, but there has never been one recorded death from your tarantula bite in every of human history.
Ugh, itР‘s a magic tarantula, alright? It can kill instantly with one bite. Oh, itР‘s also, uh, trained something like that, so itР‘ll attack an individual many many times bigger than itself rather then any random mice or floor bugs it will find in SeanР‘s house.
A flawless plan, my lord. But, um, are you sure you donР‘t desire to give me a bomb or-
That night, ANTHONY sneaks onto SEANР‘s place and slips the TARANTULA into his room.
Fucking DTР‘s. Ugh, whereР‘sh my flashk? OH SHIT!
The TARANTULA has crawled up his STUNT DOUBLEР‘S ARM!
Musht. Remain. Perfectly. Shtill.
Using his amazing SPY POWERS, SEAN freaks the FUCK OUT and smashes the TARANTULA which has a SHOE.
Another fiendish death trap avoided!
The overnight, SEAN travels to ZENAР‘s place and almost gets ASSASSINATED AGAIN on the WAY nevertheless it turns the ASSASSINS are CRAPPY DRIVERS and so they fall off a CLIFF so he gets AWAY FINE.
Holy shit youР‘re still alive!
Surprised no why would I be very impressed thereР‘s nothing surprising in regards to the fact that you simply showed up to my place after I invited you to definitely my place and you also almost got killed along the way but you apparently didnР‘t so itР‘s perfect wanna bang letР‘s bang.
Р‘FuckingР‘ ish my middle name, in fact.
Well, thish hash been lovely, but I think itР‘sh time I did my job.
ItР‘sh been fun, dear. Shee due to.
Another problem sholved.
SEAN arranges some PILLOWS within the COVERS so they really look like HIM SLEEPING. He waits for just a bit, until ANTHONY can be seen.
Fuck it, I donР‘t care what Evil Voice says, IР‘m just shooting the bastard.
Pfft, what an obvious ruse. Those are clearly pillows and Р‘
Oh wait, itР‘s 1962. This trope isnР‘t played to hell yet. Oh well.
Not sho fasht, Anthony. Drop your empty gun and make your handsh where I can shee them. I knew you had been a bad guy when I discovered the rocksh you are checking were radioactive however, you werenР‘t telling anyone. Now, whorrrre you doing work for?
Well, you could possibly as well know, since youР‘ll be dead soon. IР‘m being employed by-
tries to shoot SEAN, but his gun is empty
Haha, my dear, such a silly joke I just made! No, seriously, IР‘m employed by-
tries to light SEAN racing, but his matches are wet
Oh my, that of a silly prank! But anyway, my bossР‘s name is-
tries to lower a piano on SEAN, but he only incorporates a ukulele
Well, this can be awkward. I suppose I better let you know, my bossР‘s name is-
On usually the one hand, he probably had valuable intel. On the other hand, brutally killing people givesh me a hard-on.
SEAN and JOHN embark on a night time BOAT EXPEDITION towards Cape Murder.
I got a baaaad feeling relating to this, Sean. Scuttlebutt is thereР‘s some kinda dragon round the therapy lamp. And black sidekicks ainР‘t got an excellent life expectancy as it can be.
IР‘m sure youР‘ll be fine.
They camp out for your night. In the morning, SEAN awakens to locate a BIKINI-CLAD URSULA ANDRESS emerging in the water.
Very nishe indeed. How much?
Wha- IР‘m a shell-diver, asshole.
Sho why are you wearing a proshtituteР‘sh underwear?
ItР‘s known as the bikini, you Wookie motherfucker. In the next half a century, fashion designers will probably be engaged in an arms race to generate this thing from as little material as is possible.
Well, we shimply musht bang eventually.
ThatР‘s fair. But first, BOAT!
Sure enough, a PATROL BOAT occurs. The gang HIDES!
Alright, occur out, or weР‘ll fire randomly in to the beach and forest!
They shoot at some SAND to get a while, then GIVE UP leave. The TRIO camp out prior to the night every time a FLAMETHROWING TANK APPEARS, by GOOFY FAKE TEETH painted on.
Wha? ThatР‘sh your dragon? That fucking thing couldnР‘t fool Shcooby-Doo if he were tripping on shroomsh.
The TANK THING starts approaching JOHN in the speed of any DRUGGED TORTOISE driving a GOLF CART within a SCHOOL ZONE.
DRAGON! DRAGON MURDER!! AHHHHHH!
Sherioushly, John. Jusht fucking move.
Must shoot dragon! Must kill dragon with my tiny bullets!
Run away, John. Run away from your dragon.
After more hours, JOHN finally burns to DEATH!
Goodnight, shweet prince.
SEAN and URSULA are CAPTURED!
SEAN and URSULA receive fancy new CLOTHES and they are shoved in to a DINING ROOM.
Well thish ish completely ridiculoush. Why in the world would the negative guy feed ush before he killsh ush?
You will be receiving many fine meals from psychopaths as time passes, Mr. Connery. LetР‘s try to produce your first Dinner while using Bad Guy memorable. Please, sit.
And who're you shupposhed to become?
Dr. No, in your service. I was the child of an German missionary plus a Chinese girl, I worked with the Chinese mafia for many years before-
Sorry, IР‘m getting serious Doctor Evil flashbacks at the moment. This movieР‘s impossible to look at seriously after youР‘ve seen Austin Powers.
ThatР‘s it, forget about lines for you personally.
Yesh, for inshtance, you can let me know what the hell your endgame can be used, you weird scarecrow in yellowface you.
Well itР‘s very easy. IР‘ve been fucking with American rockets because reasons. I also study radiation, which require me to pay the hands that IР‘ve since substituted with these Zoidberg pinchers, because lab safety factors for pussies. These skills make me uniquely valuable for the organization called SPECTRE.
Yes, itР‘s a lot spookier name than that SMERSH organization in the book. SPECTRE could be the worldР‘s greatest criminal organization. It controls the many worldР‘s crime, and definately will someday pay Dave Bautista to punch you. Now, get back to your cell. Do not attempt to escape. Especially not over the man-sized vent.
Well, I shupposhe I could eshcape using that vent on the internet for. But thatР‘sh ridiculoush, thereР‘sh not a chance I could poshibly-
Right. ItР‘sh old timesh at this time. Yet another trope unshpoiled by hack writing.
SEAN crawls with the VENT, which suddenly becomes very HOT!
Wait, why the hell ish this air vent getting extremely hot at the moment? That makesh no-
Okay, thatР‘sh even shillier, unlesh the lake wash shupposhed to drown me during my-
Well thish ish an incredibly ridiculoush vent, I musht shay. ThereР‘sh no reashon for-
Thish ish jusht fucking bizarre. IР‘m not just shurprished anymore. Oh look, an exit.
SEAN knocks out your first GUARD he sees and takes his COSTUME.
And now let's talk about my epic climaxsh!
SEAN moment the base, FUCKING WITH LEVERS AND KNOBS AND SHIT.
The BASE suddenly decides to EXPLODE eventually!
ThatР‘s it, IР‘m coming down there!
JOSEPH attacks SEAN by waving his ROBOT CLAW HANDS at him! They tumble onto someР‘ PLATFORM THING thatР‘s planning to descend into someР‘ RANDOMLY BOILING WATER!
And cell phone my trademark wit! UhhhР‘ boilР‘ waterР‘ nice toР‘ uhhhhР‘ SUCK IT, TREBEK!
JOSEPH boils to death! SEAN temps the base being a DRUNK IDIOT until he finds URSULA and they also ESCAPE!
What a fantastic and original first adventure for James Bond!
Yesh. Now we jusht need to do the shame fucking thing several dozen times and after that get really ironic and gloomy and posht-modern about everything becaushe who wantsh an enjoyable shpy adventure when it is possible to have grim, Р‘realishticР‘ moviesh that examine the conshequencesh of BondР‘sh actionsh.
And IР‘m sure you and I is going to be having many grand adventures together.
LetР‘sh jusht shtick to boat shex for the time being, babe.
INT. TRACKING WHITE DOT OPENING
We open on some AWKWARD SCOTTISH GUY that has a SILLY HAT walking via an INFINITE WHITE VOID and shooting the CAMERA for a few REASON. Theres absolutely no way THIS will ever be POPULAR and ICONIC.
We then jump to COLORED DOTS and RAINBOW SILHOUETTES gyrating to JAMAICAN CALYPSO MUSIC and several BLIND GUYS appear out of your HAZE seriously WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE this became supposed for being a SPY MOVIE.
The three BLIND GUYS brush all of the TRIPPY LAVA LAMP COLORS off their jackets and enter our reality. They go and discover SECRET AGENT CHESTERFIELD TEA-CHUGGER the THIRD, who, just like GOVERNMENT EMPLOYEES, is receiving his DAY DRINK ON throughout a game of POKER.
Right-O, chaps. Im on drive home.
CHESTERFIELD stumbles towards his CAR and gets SHOT a lot by the BLIND GUYS who either ARENT BLIND normally got EXTREMELY LUCKY. They then head over to his HOUSE and kill his SECRETARY and take quite a lot of STUFF.
Meanwhile, we cut into a LONDON GAMBLING HALL for that iconic breakdown of the LEGENDARY FILM HERO who can endure through TWENTY-FOUR MOVIES, about TEN that are PRETTY GOOD.
Goodness, who's going to be this handsome stranger winning the children college fund off me? I simply must vagina him.
The namesh Connery. Sean Connery.
Yesh, itsh me. The one who shtarted everything. Unlesh you count that weird TV movie where Jamesh Bond ish called Jimmy for a lot of fucking reashon.
Well consider me seduced. Need a new caddy? Cuz Im able to hold your balls.
Shadly, I musht be off. Shpy businesh. But Ill gladly teach you my Shcottish countryshide another time.
SEAN goes toward MI6 headquarters for getting his BRIEFING from BASIL EXPOSITION.
Bond, wed enjoy it if you could remain sober for a specified duration to head over to Jamaica and locate out why our agent there got got.
Ill leave in a moment. Jusht ok, i'll shexually ashault your shecretary firsht.
Alright, Im off. Let me jusht grab my exploding watch and ejector sheat car and-
Oh no, Q doesnt arrive for two more movies. Theres no gadgets yet.
Ah, the firsht of countless exshotic locationsh for Jamesh Bond, poshitively loushy with fuckable females and killable men. I wonder what my firsht challenge will likely be.
Hello, Mr. Bond. Care for the ride within my assassination-mobile?
And sho beginsh Jamesh Bondsh tradition of shtepping willingly into an obvioush trap.
The driver DRIVES SEAN around for the bit before pulling to DO SOME KILLING.
Not sho fasht, ashhole. Handsh up. Who shent you?
Goodness, Ive been caught! Time for all of us to fight like extras on Star Trek!
The two FLAIL at each other for just a BIT.
Yesh, this wash back before movie shtarsh was required to go through nine monthsh of Shpec Opsh training before they might do an action film. Anyway, youre defeated, ya brigand. Tell me. Who do you're employed for?
Can I please have a very cyanide first?
Cigarette! Sorry! Im this kind of marble-mouth.
The driver eats a CYANIDE PILL hidden in the CIGARETTES and INSTANTLY DIES.
SEAN visits talk for the OLD BRITISH GUYS who last saw the AGENT alive.
Well, he would have been a right-good card player and his awesome secretary a great ass. Thats about all we understand about the old boy.
Oh, and that he also fished by incorporating random local yokel now after which.
Naturally this ish the clue I musht follow.
He walks out from the office to get the SECRETARY, ZENA MARSHALL, is listening in.
Thatsh shushpishoush ash fuck. But more to the point, Id love to make shex together with you.
Come to my place sometime. Please, dont bring any weaponry or tell anyone youre coming.
SEAN goes and finds charter fisherman JOHN KITSMILLER.
Greetingsh, friend. Care to figure out who killed that shecret agent you utilized to fish with?
I aint got little idea who you discussing. Now if youll excuse me.
Alright, awkward fight scene it's.
They play TWISTER for any bit until JACK LORD turns up.
Alright, an adequate amount of that now, youre all embarrassing yourselves. Im Felix Leiter, your CIA contact. Johns my bud. I probably should have mentioned this earlier before you decide to two attempted to kill the other person.
A mobile phone call might are actually prudent, yesh. What ya got in my opinion?
Well, me and John here are actually investigating radio signals in your neighborhood. Someones been fucking with American rocket signals, weve reached figure out why.
Hmm, where have you ever inveshtigated?
Oh, all around you. We went and checked Beauty Bay, Gorgeous Falls, the Straight of Blowjobs, Happytown. Just about everywhere, aside from Cape Murder which is.
Wait a shecond. Cape Murder? What goesh on the website?
Oh, we dont go nowhere near that place. Its cursed!
I shee. So you shtopped your inveshtigation within the one place that really needed inveshtigating?
Pretty much, yeah. The CIA carries a firm policy available: always respect local superstitions.
SEAN visits see ANOTHER with the DEAD AGENTs contacts, ANTHONY DAWSON.
Sho, might you pleashe let me know what you are doing with my deceased companion?
Anything intereshting about those rocksh?
No intereshting rocksh you checked?
As soon as SEAN leaves, ANTHONY immediately boats to the site CAPE MURDER to have a very meeting with his EVIL BOSSS DISEMBODIED VOICE.
You have displeased me. I asked that you kill Sean when he got from the plane, instead you told him about rock checking.
My deepest apologies, oh master.
Yes, master. Killing a British federal agent may no doubt alleviate any suspicions about our activities here. Ill just go obtain a sniper rifle and-
Uh, never to question your wisdom, oh master, but there has never been one recorded death from the tarantula bite to all of human history.
Ugh, its a magic tarantula, alright? It can kill instantly with one bite. Oh, it is also, uh, trained or something like that, so itll attack a person many countless times bigger than itself as an alternative to any random mice or floor bugs it may find in Seans house.
A flawless plan, my lord. But, um, are you sure you dont need to give me a bomb or-
That night, ANTHONY sneaks onto SEANs place and slips the TARANTULA into his room.
Fucking DTs. Ugh, wheresh my flashk? OH SHIT!
The TARANTULA has crawled up his STUNT DOUBLES ARM!
Musht. Remain. Perfectly. Shtill.
Using his amazing SPY POWERS, SEAN freaks the FUCK OUT and smashes the TARANTULA which has a SHOE.
Another fiendish death trap avoided!
The following day, SEAN visits ZENAs place and almost gets ASSASSINATED AGAIN on the WAY nonetheless it turns out your ASSASSINS are CRAPPY DRIVERS and in addition they fall off a CLIFF so he gets AWAY FINE.
Holy shit youre still alive!
Surprised no why would I be amazed theres nothing surprising concerning the fact you showed up to my place after I invited that you my place so you almost got killed en route but you apparently didnt so its nothing but good wanna bang lets bang.
Fucking ish my middle name, of course.
Well, thish hash been lovely, but I think itsh time I did my job.
Itsh been fun, dear. Shee due to.
Another problem sholved.
SEAN arranges some PILLOWS beneath the COVERS so they really look like HIM SLEEPING. He waits to get a bit, until ANTHONY can be seen.
Fuck it, I dont care what Evil Voice says, Im just shooting the bastard.
Pfft, what an obvious ruse. Those are clearly pillows and
Oh wait, its 1962. This trope isnt played to hell yet. Oh well.
Not sho fasht, Anthony. Drop your empty gun and make your handsh where I can shee them. I knew that you were a bad guy when I learned the rocksh you are checking were radioactive nevertheless, you werent telling anyone. Now, who will be you employed by?
Well, you could as well know, since material dead soon. Im earning a living for-
tries to shoot SEAN, but his gun is empty
Haha, oh my god, such a silly joke I just made! No, seriously, Im employed by-
tries to light SEAN burning down, but his matches are wet
Oh my, just what a silly prank! But anyway, my bosss name is-
tries to go a piano on SEAN, but he only incorporates a ukulele
Well, this can be awkward. I suppose I better inform you, my bosss name is-
On the main one hand, he probably had valuable intel. On the other hand, brutally killing people givesh me a hard-on.
SEAN and JOHN continue on a night time BOAT EXPEDITION towards Cape Murder.
I got a baaaad feeling about it, Sean. Scuttlebutt is theres some kinda dragon round the bradenton area. And black sidekicks aint got a terrific life expectancy as it really is.
They camp out for that night. In the morning, SEAN awakens to discover a BIKINI-CLAD URSULA ANDRESS emerging from your water.
Very nishe indeed. How much?
Wha- Im a shell-diver, asshole.
Sho why are you wearing a proshtitutesh underwear?
Its referred to as a bikini, you Wookie motherfucker. In the next quite some years, fashion designers are going to be engaged in an arms race to produce this thing away from as little material as you possibly can.
Well, we shimply musht bang sometime.
Thats fair. But first, BOAT!
Sure enough, a PATROL BOAT arrives. The gang HIDES!
Alright, occur out, or well fire randomly in the beach and forest!
They shoot at some SAND for any while, then GIVE UP by leaving. The TRIO camp out prior to the night each time a FLAMETHROWING TANK APPEARS, with a few GOOFY FAKE TEETH painted on.
Wha? Thatsh your dragon? That fucking thing couldnt fool Shcooby-Doo if he were tripping on shroomsh.
The TANK THING starts approaching JOHN in the speed of an DRUGGED TORTOISE driving a GOLF CART in a very SCHOOL ZONE.
DRAGON! DRAGON MURDER!! AHHHHHH!
Sherioushly, John. Jusht fucking move.
Must shoot dragon! Must kill dragon with my tiny bullets!
Run away, John. Run away in the dragon.
After and a hours, JOHN finally burns to DEATH!
Goodnight, shweet prince.
SEAN and URSULA are CAPTURED!
SEAN and URSULA are made fancy new CLOTHES and are also shoved to a DINING ROOM.
Well thish ish completely ridiculoush. Why on the planet would unhealthy guy feed ush before he killsh ush?
You will be receiving many fine meals from psychopaths in recent times, Mr. Connery. Lets try to produce your first Dinner using the Bad Guy memorable. Please, sit.
And whorrrre you shupposhed to become?
Dr. No, for your service. I was the child of an German missionary and also a Chinese girl, I worked for that Chinese mafia for a long time before-
Sorry, Im getting serious Doctor Evil flashbacks at this time. This movies impossible to look at seriously after youve seen Austin Powers.
Thats it, no longer lines in your case.
Yesh, for inshtance, you can let me know what the hell your endgame has arrived, you weird scarecrow in yellowface you.
Well its very easy. Ive been fucking with American rockets because reasons. I also study radiation, which set me back the hands that Ive since substituted for these Zoidberg pinchers, because lab safety factors for pussies. These skills are making me uniquely valuable to your organization called SPECTRE.
Yes, its a lot spookier name than that SMERSH organization in the book. SPECTRE would be the worlds greatest criminal organization. It controls the many worlds crime, and may someday pay Dave Bautista to punch you. Now, resume your cell. Do not try and escape. Especially not throughout the man-sized vent.
Well, I shupposhe I could eshcape using vent available online for. But thatsh ridiculoush, theresh absolutely no way I could poshibly-
Right. Itsh old timesh right this moment. Yet another trope unshpoiled by hack writing.
SEAN crawls from the VENT, which suddenly becomes very HOT!
Wait, why the hell ish this air vent getting extremely hot at this time? That makesh no-
Okay, thatsh even shillier, unlesh the river wash shupposhed to drown me inside my-
Well thish ish an incredibly ridiculoush vent, I musht shay. Theresh no reashon for-
Thish ish jusht fucking bizarre. Im even if it's just shurprished anymore. Oh look, an exit.
SEAN knocks your first GUARD he sees and takes his COSTUME.
And let's focus on my epic climaxsh!
SEAN temps the base, FUCKING WITH LEVERS AND KNOBS AND SHIT.
The BASE suddenly decides to EXPLODE eventually!
Thats it, Im coming down there!
JOSEPH attacks SEAN by waving his ROBOT CLAW HANDS at him! They tumble onto some PLATFORM THING thats on the verge of descend into some RANDOMLY BOILING WATER!
And now let's talk about my trademark wit! Uhhh boil water nice to uhhhh SUCK IT, TREBEK!
JOSEPH boils to death! SEAN moment the base being a DRUNK IDIOT until he finds URSULA and in addition they ESCAPE!
What a fantastic and original first adventure for James Bond!
Yesh. Now we jusht should do the shame fucking thing several dozen times and get really ironic and gloomy and posht-modern about everything becaushe who wantsh an excellent shpy adventure when you'll be able to have grim, realishtic moviesh that examine the conshequencesh of Bondsh actionsh.
And Im sure you and I is going to be having many grand adventures together.
Letsh jusht shtick to boat shex in the meantime, babe.
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Last updated: December 11, 2015 at 12:05 pm
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The top-selling Xbox 360 games all figures in numerous units sold-through since launch.
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The top-selling Xbox 360 games all figures in an incredible number of units sold-through since launch.
Warner Bros. Interactive Entertainment
Warner Bros. Interactive Entertainment
Warner Bros. Interactive Entertainment
Warner Bros. Interactive Entertainment
Warner Bros. Interactive Entertainment
Warner Bros. Interactive Entertainment
Warner Bros. Interactive Entertainment
Warner Bros. Interactive Entertainment
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Warner Bros. Interactive Entertainment
Transformers: Revenge from the Fallen XBox 360, PS3, PC Versions
Warner Bros. Interactive Entertainment
Transformers: War for Cybertron XBox 360, PS3, PC Versions
Warner Bros. Interactive Entertainment
Warner Bros. Interactive Entertainment
Warner Bros. Interactive Entertainment
Warner Bros. Interactive Entertainment
Warner Bros. Interactive Entertainment
Warner Bros. Interactive Entertainment
Warner Bros. Interactive Entertainment
Warner Bros. Interactive Entertainment
Warner Bros. Interactive Entertainment
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Warner Bros. Interactive Entertainment
Warner Bros. Interactive Entertainment
Warner Bros. Interactive Entertainment
Warner Bros. Interactive Entertainment
Warner Bros. Interactive Entertainment
Warner Bros. Interactive Entertainment
Warner Bros. Interactive Entertainment
Bienvenida a la pgina de Afrodita en la Cama.
Si buscas cmo mejorar tu vida sexual entonces llegaste al lugar indicado.
A continuacin quiero revelarte la clave para poder enloquecer a cualquier hombre en la cama.
No solamente aprenders cmo disfrutar al mximo tu sexualidad, sino que logrars
Y para eso no necesitas tener el cuerpo de una modelo ni las habilidades de una bailarina striptease profesional.
Mira, satisfacer a un hombre no es difcil.
Simplemente descubre qu es lo que la mayora de los hombres desean.
Con el tiempo te sorprenders de lo fcil que es volver completamente loco a un hombre.
Sino que te sentirs completamente cmoda con tu sexualidad.
Existe un gran problema hoy en da en nuestra sociedad.
La mayora de las mujeres no saben cmo disfrutar al mximo del sexo, por ende tampoco saben cmo satisfacer a un hombre.
Esto crea frustraciones y conflictos en una relacin.
Ambos lo aceptan, pero no saben cmo mejorar la situacin.
No logra dejar ir sus prejuicios y conceptos errneos acerca del sexo.
Una mujer sensual y segura de si misma, que no tiene dificultades para expresarse ntimamente.
Por esa razn ests leyendo esta pgina.
Como hombre he tomado la decisin de crear una solucin definitiva a este problema global.
Durante los ltimos meses he elaborado una gua completa que transformar tu vida.
En ella te explico paso a paso todo lo que tienes que hacer para poder satisfacer sexualmente a cualquier hombre.
Afrodita en la Cama es dramticamente diferente a cualquier otro libro que hayas ledo anteriormente.
Es diferente a cualquier tcnica que hayas ledo en Internet.
Y es diferente a cualquier estrategia que hayas intentado.
Imagina dejar de sentirte frustrada e insegura de tu desempeo en la cama. Ya no ms preocupaciones con respecto al sexo o a no poder satisfacer a tu hombre.
Imagina poder brindarle tanto placer a tu pareja que haga que l no quiera estar con ninguna otra mujer, sin importar cual sea tu fsico o experiencia sexual.
Imagina ser capaz de disfrutar el sexo a niveles que nunca antes creste posible, mejorando as no solamente tu vida ntima sino tu bienestar y felicidad personal.
Imagina aprender los trucos exactos para excitar y volver loco a cualquier hombre.
Ese es el poder de Afrodita en la Cama.
Convertirte en una mujer completamente segura de s misma, capaz de darle a cualquier hombre justo lo que l quiere en la cama.
No hay ninguna otra gua como sta.
Qu es exactamente lo que hace que una mujer sea buena en la cama. Si no sabes esto jams sers capaz de satisfacer a un hombre sexualmente.
Por qu la mayora de las tcnicas sexuales que encuentras en libros y pginas de internet no sirven para nada.
Cmo desinhibirte por completo y mostrarle a tu hombre el lado sensual y seductor que llevas por dentro.
La razn por la que no es necesario tener un cuerpo de modelo para complacer a un hombre.
Cmo eliminar de manera definitiva tus inseguridades o conceptos errneos acerca del sexo.
Lo que vuelve completamente locos a los hombres en la cama. Haz esto y logrars brindarle mayor placer que cualquier otra mujer.
El motivo por el que fingir un orgasmo es de las peores cosas que puedes hacer en tu vida sexual.
Las 2 cualidades que caracterizan a una Afrodita en la Cama. Todas las mujeres que son sexualmente poderosas tienen esto en comn.
Una gua para hacer el amor. Si necesitas instrucciones simples para saber cmo tener sexo, tambin te brindo unos pasos sencillos a seguir para que no tengas ningn inconveniente.
Cmo crear anticipacin para que tu pareja te desee incontrolablemente.
Por qu algo tan simple como tomar la iniciativa puede transformar tu vida sexual para siempre.
Cmo masturbar y realizarle sexo oral a tu hombre de manera que pierda el control y se rinda ante ti.
Las mejores posiciones sexuales que necesitas dominar para hacer del sexo algo divertido y excitante.
Un mtodo tramposo para lograr que tu hombre tenga una eyaculacin inmediatamente. Con esto logrars que sus orgasmos sean an ms intensos que lo normal.
Lo que tienes que hacer despus del sexo para que la experiencia sea completa. Muchas personas ignoran el post-acto porque creen que no es importante. Esto es un grave error.
Una lista de ideas ingeniosas para agregarle variedad a tu vida sexual. Caer en la rutina es una de las razones principales por las que las parejas dejan de tener sexo.
Cmo lidiar con los diferentes problemas que pueden surgir en una relacin sexual. Ac te explico en detalle cmo resolver con tu pareja asuntos como eyaculacin precoz, disfuncin erectil, falta de lbido, poca lubricacin vaginal, dolor al momento de la penetracin, etc.
La frmula secreta para retener a un hombre a tu lado. No todo se trata de sexo. Solamente sigue esta frmula y logrars que tu hombre se quede contigo.
Tu gua es lo mejor que me ha pasado en la vida, as de simple!
Gracias a tus consejos he aprendido a darle el placer sexual a mi hombre que tanto haba buscado.
Me encant el capitulo acerca de la confianza sexual, estoy demasiado agradecida!
Lindsay C. Alajuela, Costa Rica
Aldo, no hay palabras para describir lo feliz que estoy de haber conseguido y ledo esta gua.
De veras que mi vida tanto sexual como personal se ha visto beneficiada de manera increble. Me encanta que la gua es concisa y fcil de leer.
Muchas felicidades por el excelente trabajo.
Siempre fui una mujer insegura en la intimidad hasta que le tu gua Afrodita en la Cama.
De veras que no tienes idea el impacto positivo que esta gua ha tenido sobre mi y sobre mi pareja.
Te extendemos un sincero agradecimiento.
Arianna D. Monterrey, Mexico
Hola Aldo, he comprado esta gua para leerla junto con mi mujer y de verdad que no has dejado con la boca abierta!
Hemos llegado a dominar todos los consejos y tcnicas de la gua y nuestra vida sexual es ms activa y disfrutable que nunca!
En esta fabulosa gu a encontrar s 101 consejos de belleza para lucir m s joven ya mismo! Incorpora estos nuevos e infalibles trucos en tu rutina diaria y as dale la bienvenida a una apariencia f sica m s joven y hermosa.
Quieres aprender como ligar y seducir a cualquier hombre, en cualquier lugar y a cualquier hora!? Entonces esta gu a es para ti! En Seducci n para Ellas encuentras los mejores tips, consejos y t cnicas para aprender como enamorar ya mismo a ese hombre que tanto te gusta.
Decid que esta gua fueseP descargable.
Esto significa que pones este plan en accin inmediatamente, sin esperar que el lento servicio postal te entregue un paquete.
Y debido a que la informacin est en un formato digital, tu pedido es completamente discreto y confidencial.
Nadie tiene que saber que utilizaste este material especial.
Lo nico que necesitas hacer es darle click al botn amarillo que vers ms adelante, el cual dice Descarga Inmediata, y seguir las instrucciones que te indico.
Despus de que realices tu pedido seguro, obtienes accesoP exclusivo Pa una pgina de descarga secreta donde podrs descargar la gua de manera inmediata.
Tendrs todo lo que te enumer enP apenas unos pocos minutos.P
Aprender la manera exacta para hacer el amor a un hombre y satisfacerlo sexualmente como l siempre ha deseado es algo que no tiene precio.
Esto es algoP invaluable Py que te beneficiar por el resto de tu vida.
Por la naturaleza de mi profesin yo s lo mucho que importa el saber cmo complacer a un hombre en la cama y como mejorar la vida sexual como pareja.
Por eso he decidido darle a la guaP Afrodita en la Cama Pel fabuloso precio de tan solo 39.
De esta manera cualquier mujer tendr acceso inmediato a los mejores consejos y tcnicas infalibles para convertirse en una diosa sexual lo ms rpido posible.
Adems recuerda que tambin recibirsP Belleza Joven PyP Seduccin para Ellas Pcompletamente GRATIS.
Mi obligacin contigo es muy sencilla: Ensearte a ser una diosa del sexo y as satisfacer sexualmente a cualquier hombre.
Si NO obtienes los resultados esperados o no ests satisfecha con cualquier captulo o seccin de la gua, entonces lo nico que tienes que hacer es enviarme un correo electrnico y
Tienes una garanta deP 60 das Ppara probar la gua.
Si no cumple tus expectativas entonces nada ms me envas un email Py me indicas que no ests satisfecha con la compra.
Yo me encargo personalmente de procesar automticamente la devolucin del 100% de tu dinero.
Mi mayor inters es ayudarte, esa es la razn por la que decid crear esta gua. Para m tuP satisfaccin Pes lo ms importante de todo.
As que no tienes nada que arriesgar.
AseguraP ya mismo Ptu copia y empieza a disfrutar de la vida sexual que siempre quisiste.
Espero ansioso escuchar tu historia de xito.
oCul es el costo de la gua?
Las ventas de la gua se realizan a travs de Clickbank, una de las empresas ms prestigiosas en Internet.
oPuedo pagar con tarjeta de dbito?
Recuerda que no necesitas estrictamente una tarjeta de crdito.
El nico requerimiento es que dicha tarjeta pueda realizar compras en Internet.
La compra de la gua es 100% segura ya que la empresa que se encarga de procesarla se llama Clickbank y es mundialmente reconocida como una compaa confiable y de buena reputacin.
En el detalle de la tarjeta no aparecer nada relacionado con ningn producto de sexualidad.
Eso simplemente indica que es una compra procesada por Clickbank.
Si tienes una cuenta bancaria entonces puedes solicitar una tarjeta de dbito para realizar la compra. Hoy en da la mayora de las tarjetas de dbito funcionan sin problema, igual que una de crdito.
Otra opcin es solicitar una tarjeta prestada. Nada ms dices que necesitas realizar una compra en Internet.
O sino averiguar acerca de tarjetas prepago o virtuales en tu pas.
Una vez realizado el pago podrs tener acceso a la gua de manera inmediata en formato digital.
oPuedo pagar por medio de Paypal?
Para realizar la compra por medio de Paypal, dale click al botn DESCARGA INMEDIATA y luego elije la opcin Paypal en Forma de pago.
oEs cierto que si no estoy satisfecho con la gua me devuelves mi dinero?
Te ofrezco una garanta de 60 das para que utilices el material.
Si no ests satisfecho con la compra entonces lo nico que tienes que hacer es enviarme un correo a y solicitarme un reembolso.
La devolucin de tu dinero se procesara de vuelta a tu tarjeta en cuestin de 5-7 das.
No poseo tarjetas de crdito ni de dbito, opuedo realizar la compra por medio de transferencia o algn otro mtodo?
Necesito contactarte, ocul es tu correo electrnico?
Ok Aldo, estoy listo. Quiero comprar la gua. oQu tengo que hacer?
Para adquirir la gua Afrodita en la Cama lo nico que tienes que hacer es darle click al botn amarillo que dice DESCARGA INMEDIATA.
Luego sigues las instrucciones en pantalla y en cuestin de 5 minutos podrs leer la gua desde la comodidad de tu computadora, celular, iPad, o cualquier otro dispositivo.
c Copyright 2015 Aldo Rosell, todos los derechos reservados.
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